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imhavingthetimeofmylife

by CYBERBULLY

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1.
footshot.gif 03:49
bloody feet drug all across the floor shot my feet a hundred times before i get so far-gone i don’t wanna turn this to a bloody mess going off the deep end god why can’t i remember to eat anything vision flexed eardrums checked can somebody help me figure out where i go next time keep mind that limping aint ok no matter what they why can't you see eventually is just a figment of your tired eyes realize your bones are out to get ya you wanna move but they won’t let ya go outside don’t want to hide
2.
BEREAL 02:57
im so sick n tired of puttin on a face BE REAL when all i wanna do is simply talk to you I’m just so afraid of the time of yours i’ll waste BE REAL when all i wanna do is really talk to you dont wanna be a burden but damn I’m really hurtin and even when I’m not it just feels like a lot i swear to j mascis im not tryna stress you out look through my dirty glasses can’t you see I’m full of doubt? i just fail to speak when i feel the need i don’t know why i just fail to speak when i feel the need i don’t know im so sick n tired of puttin on a face BE REAL when all i wanna do is simply talk to you I’m just so afraid of the time of yours i’ll waste BE REAL when all i wanna do is really talk to you lovely is all that i want to be comfy is all i want you to be i need the sense to truly believe my me deserves your admiration lock it up and throw away the key there’s people in my head that’s sposed to be me so why must i divide decide which side to pride a line i can’t find amplitude increasing can’t attenuate your feelings SPEAK UP
3.
CHUMPED 04:52
ROSE GLASSES GIVING FREE PASSES TELL MYSELF ITS FINE THEY’LL STAY IN LINE SIGHT CLEARING COLOR SEARING RETINAS CANT HANDLE YOU WITH THE FILM OF CLOSENESS NOW REMOVED HOW COME ITS SO EASY TO LET PEOPLE BE SO SLEAZY APPEASING PROJECTIONS WRECKS YA EVEN IF FACTS TEND TO STRESS YA NOW IM IM SCREAMIN OUTSIDE MY HEAD WHY WONT I JUST GO TO BED HEAD STARTS SPINNIN WHEN I SEE THROUGH NO RED feel like I’ve been here before i write again another end in my memory fading fast always lingering NO GLASSES NO MORE FREE PASSES KNOW THAT ITS NOT FINE ANYONE CAN CROSS THE LINE SIGHT CLEARING COLOR STILL SEARING RETINAS NOT HEALED NOW ALL I DO IS FEEL DONT LET IT BE EASY TO LET PEOPLE BE SO SLEAZY NO APPEASING PROJECTIONS NO FLEXIN ALWAYS ASSESSIN MESSES IM SCREAMIN OUTSIDE MY HEAD WHY WONT I JUST GO TO BED HEAD STARTS SPINNIN WHEN I SEE THROUGH NO RED HOW IS IT NOT ME can’t help guilty feelings can't help hindsight can't help denying with all your might can’t help betraying what you know to be true and all just because these people claim to know you take a step back from relationships and look at what remains just a couple of perceptions trying desperately to tame all the fear associated with existing on this plane its so easy just to let this slip out side of the frame CHUMPED AGAIN WHERE’S MY FRIEND CHUMPED AGAIN WHERE’S MY FRIEND ALL LOOSE ENDS NO LOVE SENT ALL LOOSE ENDS NO LOVE SENT CHUMPED
4.
what’s that boy why don’t you be a man clearly that's the plan what’s that girl why don’t you set this straight try to extrapolate what’s that you standin over there lookin scared feelin terrified of what’s inside or actually the inwardly and outwardly way you’re perceived in real time feels like constant struggle no rebuttal silence falls on me myself and i don’t get along that well im tryna hide hoping that it’s just a spell til i find my pride at the bottom of this well i think I’m tired of feelin like a fuckin shill what’s that boy why don’t you be a man clearly that's the plan what’s that girl why don’t you set this straight try to extrapolate what’s that you standin over there lookin scared feelin terrified of what’s inside or really just me i don’t know how to feel free HEY YOU BOY BE A MAN ALREADY HEY YOU GIRL SHAVE YOURSELF ALREADY HEY YOU THERE TRYNA BE CONTRARY DON’T YOU THREATEN ME DON’T YOU THREATEN ME HEY YOU BOY BE A MAN ALREADY HEY YOU GIRL SHAVE YOURSELF ALREADY HEY YOU THERE TRYNA BE CONTRARY DON’T YOU THREATEN ME DON’T YOU THREATEN ME SO TELL ME HUH YOU FEEL THIS WAY BEFORE IS THIS REALLY SOMETHING YOU’VE IGNORED IS IT TRULY SOMETHING YOU FEEL BE REAL OR ARE YOU TRYNA PROVE YOU KNOW YOU SPEAK TRUTH I WANNA SETTLE THIS I DONT WANT TO PRETEND DONT WANNA BE CONSPICUOUS OR HELP UPEND THE STRUGGLE ALL AROUND ME DISRESPECT THOSE WHO FOUND ME I CAME FOR HONESTY AND NOW I FEEL I HAVE TO LEAVE HEY YOU BOY BE A MAN ALREADY HEY YOU GIRL SHAVE YOURSELF ALREADY HEY YOU THERE TRYNA BE CONTRARY DON’T YOU THREATEN ME DON’T YOU THREATEN ME HEY YOU BOY BE A MAN ALREADY HEY YOU GIRL SHAVE YOURSELF ALREADY HEY YOU THERE TRYNA BE CONTRARY DON’T YOU THREATEN ME DON’T YOU THREATEN ME if i could just exist without a form if i could just float above the floor if i could just exist with no vessel blocking me stopping me mocking me toppling me down to the ground maybe id feel at ease with me maybe id feel at peace with me maybe id maybe id maybe maybe id feel like its not so wrong to view myself the way i do maybe id feel like its not so wrong to not put thought into the way i come across to you the way i look to you the way i take up space but now that’s something i just cant erase i accept i have to live with me i accept i have to be seen i accept i have to live within this vessel even when its fuckin stressful to walk further than the threshold go outside don’t hide find peace stand up find ease be free fight for me fight for me fight really i feel like its not so wrong to view myself the way i do really i feel like its not so wrong to not put thought into the way i come across to you the way i look to you the way i take up space but now that’s something i just cant change really i know that its not so wrong to view myself the way i do really i know that its not so wrong to not put thought into the way i come across to you the way i look to you the way i take up space but now that’s something i won’t change for you
5.
comfort fleeting explanations proceeding every thing i say do act feel none of this seems real fifty feet from my eyes so much room to let in lies so much room to let in lies i cant be true but i swear it’s not just you I’m lying to myself and it’s something i can help just don’t talk to me I’m lying to myself and it’s something i can help just don’t talk to me LIES YOU NEED THAT SWEET SWEET VALIDATION YOURE NOT ABOVE THAT SO WHAT IS HONESTY CAN YOU BE HONEST IN THE FACE OF QUESTING FOR POSITIVE FEEDBACK HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU FELT TRUTHFUL REALLY HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU FELT SINCERE REALLY IF WE’RE TALKING ABOUT HONESTY YOU ALWAYS FEEL WRONG YOU ALWAYS ACCEPT BEING WRONG IN YOUR EYES AND EVEN WITH THAT VALIDATION YOU CRAVE YOU SHIT ON YOURSELF WHY CAUSE IT MADE YOU FUCKING THINK JUST BECAUSE IT MADE YOU FUCKING THINK HOW BOGUS IS THAT HOW INSINCERE IS THAT WHY CANT YOU JUST ANYTHING JUST TELL THEM
6.
don’t feel right hate the sight why is that me blank wall eyes fall when feelin tall aint right at all my face sinks takes a drink this isn’t nearly as bad as you think it is fear of justifying whining fear of inconvenient crying out scratching bleeding not quite healing ticks are feeling all too natural I JUST WANNA FEEL RIGHT IN MY BODYYYYYYYY WHY DOES IT CONSTANTLY FIGHT MEEEEE THIS DONT FEEL RIGHT IT DONT FEEL RIGHT I DONT FEEL RIGHT IN THIS THING I CANT GET A GRIP I JUST SLIP WEAK WRISTS FALLING TOP THE THINGS I LOVE

about

hey so ive been working on this album for a while now and i might have more to say about it soon but for now it's more about the sounds and the lyrics are there if you wanna read them ok haha this has become weirdly increasingly uncomfortable for me to do so i dunno please dont think i think im better or some shit

i love you all
thank you for listening

credits

released June 29, 2017

thanks to all the friends at MOP that listen to me yell and blast this nonsense all the time and listen to things when i get excited and want to show them and all the friends that i bother with this when they roll thru.
thanks to all the places that have let me play, as much as i dont remember most of those times, i really really appreciate it.
thanks to my partner for listening and being excited about the things i make.
thanks to all those who constantly show me support, it means the world to me <3

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CYBERBULLY Providence, Rhode Island

confused feelings i really dont like myself noisy laptop music

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