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Your insolence affects me. I give up on you.

by CYBERBULLY

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1.
DGAF 03:17
so i dunno what u wanna say to me oh you dunno why u tryna play with me means we dunno what this game is gonna be no apathy no apathy im gonna speak im gonna scream so i dunno what u wanna say to me oh you dunno why u tryna play with me means we dunno what this game is gonna be no apathy no apathy dont feel safe but wanna be EYES TEAR AT MY SKIN I FEAR I WONT WIN losing time and space to my desire to be the person that i need to be to feel free to feel any real sense of acceptance otherwise body is destined never relenting its penchant makin me feel fuckin wretched you think that I’m somehow bove it all that I’m prancing bout my day just to make you feel small LISTEN know that this aint about you in spite of your ego boo boo I’m terrified to go outside cause of PEOPLE LIKE YOU dont feel safe so fuck your taste PUT ME DOWN ILL TURN AROUND AND FACE YOUR BULLSHIT HATRED NO MORE PATIENCE TURN THAT FROWN RIGHTSIDE DOWN AND LOOK AT WHO I AM NOT PART OF YOUR PLAN
2.
NOTFORYOU.me 03:42
i finally got it right today i won a fight for me all just for you to say that this aint me Respect i give myself Is a concern of health Nuance you strip from me Does nothing for fucking anybody CANT YOU SEE i finally got it right today i won a fight for me all just for you to say that this aint me My body is my own Not matter of opinion Not just a different page But a different book i dont wanna read Slowly drifting out of frame not just we dont think the same My existence percieved as Threats to your own life and ends Makes me feel incompetent Come to learn that’s your intent I am here and not for you I am here to show my truth I am here and that’s enough for me My body is my own And this is me i finally got it right today i won a fight for me all just for you to say that you know me better than i ever could Slowly drifting out of frame not just we dont think the same My existence percieved as Threats to your own life and ends Makes me feel incompetent Come to learn that’s your intent I am here and not for you I am here to show my truth I am here and that’s enough for me
3.
disassociate scratch myself until i bleed i won’t concede i have a problem being alone dont take much to make me fall out my own head no more thoughts disassociate scratch until i bleed i need too see where my head at or where it aint just wish for some context but it creeps up me don’t know what i see ground is lava that’s a problem higher higher further further far above my head i scream WHO WHERE HOW WHY
4.
CANTDOIT 01:52
did i lose just time or also those close by I’m racing through these narrow halls which are my own design while shoulders scrape the wall i stumble to recall a time when i remembered how to get through it ALL CANT DO IT pushed to the brink cant quite think heart just sinks always been this way since i could say whats going on when am i done cant stay any longer im trapped feelin like a real chump im tapped no more energy to dump how apt that is end this way feeling so estranged the lengthier my stay CANT DO IT did i lose just time or also those close by I’m racing through these narrow halls which are my own design while shoulders scrape the wall i stumble to recall a time when i remembered how to get through it ALL CANT DO IT
5.
I cant walk down the street without getting killed blood spilled its hard to tell myself to be real don’t feel safe with my mind throwin shit at me cant see that these intrusive thoughts won’t ever be me but where’s the line i like to think i know but this fascist bigot hind my eyes holds a knife up to my throat hostage to my internalized hate this person isn’t me so why does this voice refuse to leave tell me why SELF LOATHING IS EXHAUSTING I FEEL LIKE IM NOT FUCKING TRYING LEAVE ME ALONE LEAVE ME ALONE LEAVE ME ALONE
6.
i don’t have a floor anymore what a chore and it shames me to my core i ignore such a tragedy i don’t have a floor anymore what a chore and it shames me to my core i ignore such a clear cut tragedy mold is everywhere tragedy smoke takes place of air tragedy know that I’m aware shame me don’t think i don’t care hate me nesting hard getting vile confessing my quitting cant give a fuck i mean i say i know where everything is tragedy mold is everywhere tragedy smoke instead of air tragedy know that I’m aware shame me don’t think i don’t care hate me nesting hard getting vile confessing my quitting my life is piles
7.
K(NO)W 02:54
know i aint the problem know i aim to solve em know my frame is solid know my name is honest know with all this hate know ill self erase know i don’t deserve know i should be heard know i should be heard Bullet points Lists the reasons My discomfort Been the same since I can remember Dont you remember Words like spectres At least you claim this Feel No Love In what you call support Make it seem like a chore But you decided what that was Long long ago You think id know no i aint the problem no i aim to solve em no my frame is solid no my name is honest no with all this hate no ill self erase no i don’t deserve no i should be heard no i should be heard
8.
i cant cry anymore i swear i try oh so hard but i cant cry anymore or won’t i cry what is my body saying i cant cry anymore i swear i try oh so hard but i cant cry anymore or won’t i cry what is my body telling me bury yourself again old friend WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME bury yourself again old friend WHAT DID I SAY TO ME i cant lie anymore i swear i tried oh so long but i won’t lie anymore you think id mind what is my body thinking i cant lie anymore i swear i tried oh so long but i won’t lie anymore you think id mind what is my body thinking bury yourself again old friend WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME bury yourself again old friend WHAT DID I SAY TO ME
9.
hold me softly i feel safety (never before) hear your breathing fog starts clearing i can see who is me dont deserve company but youre here and I’m here how did that get to be i dont know hold me softly i feel safety (never before) hear your breathing fog starts clearing
10.

about

an album about anxiety, hating my body, and trying to navigate shame, which i do very poorly.

been workin on this for the last year n change, thanks to my partner and friends for all the support and listening to this nonsense over and over again <3

credits

released November 17, 2018

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CYBERBULLY Providence, Rhode Island

confused feelings i really dont like myself noisy laptop music

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